Relationship Information |
|
How To Slay The Toxic Dragon In Your Life
How To "Slay The Dragon" In Your Life In Five Simple Steps Any time you spend around that toxic dragon , you are adding another cup full of misery to your life. You must accept that the toxic person you are with will not change, does not want to change, and does not want you to change. The toxic people want to keep poisoning you with their behavior and feel that they have every right to do so. Toxic people roam around freely and openly because they can. They take our energy, strength, love, and our precious time on this earth. This goes on and on and slowly before we know it, our lives are used up,our hearts and souls are ruined, and the dragon keeps on going like the energizer bunny. This is a truth that each of us needs to understand. Some people cannot be around each other, be together, or even mix without harmful effects. There are definite mismatches that were never meant to be and certainly were not meant to continue. Coming to grips with the fact that you must leave a toxic relationship is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It is a life changing experience and you have to have the strength to do it. Get Prepared To Slay The Dragon By Doing These Simple tasks: Sit down with a friend, co worker, a neighbor, or a family member and review what is going on in the toxic relationship. You need someone who can help you put the whole situation in perspective. Unfortunately we may be so close we cannot see the forest through the trees. Maybe we have started to think all of this is our fault. (It isn't.) Make a list of what has been going on, the things that have been said or done which have left you feeling destroyed. Talk about how that toxic person makes you feel and how so far you have felt powerless to change things. Realize that love and pain are not one and the same. You do not have a good or healthy relationship if you feel drained, used, hurt, and humiliated by that person. If you are angry, depressed, lonely, hurt when you are with this person, it is no good. It is not love. It is simply an addicition to the toxic drug of choice. Is there a reason you have been sticking with this relationship which has nothing to do with your feelings? Are you staying in this relationship for your friends, for your parents for your kids? This is not good. The clock is ticking, your life is slipping away. You cannot stay in a toxic relationship for the sake of anyone else. The relationship has lost it's value if being around the person makes you feel horrible. Don't hold onto a hot potato. Decide if you have to make the break and then do it permanently. No trial separations, no second chances, no giving it more time. Time will only suck more energy out of you and make the dragon stronger. This is asking a lot from you because you have become somewhat used to this toxic relationship. In some ways you find yourself attracted to it, maybe for money, security, sex, etc. Sometimes you have to give up a lot to get out. Work on your health and physical fitness. Strong body, strong mind. Work on curbing any of your habits which are hurting you, like overeating or using alcohol or drugs. Make sure you are in shape to slay the dragon before you start. The dragon will not go away easily. There may be a confrontation and you need to be strong enough to handle it. Only you can get yourself out of the toxic relationship. Only you can slay the toxic dragon. You have given the power away to someone who has no love for you. Now is the time to take back the power and take back your life. About The Author Sharon Schurman is a retired clinical counselor who has established the Depression-Help-Guide site. You will find information, articles, tips, and suggestions for dealing with all types of depression. http://www.depression-help-guide.com
|
RELATED ARTICLES
How Not to Compromise With Your Partner Do you ever disagree with your spouse? Or your boyfriend or girlfriend? Of course not ? she/he/it is perfect, right? Why He May Be Cheating On You Why He May Be Cheating On You Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 3 - The Jealousy Syndrome Jealousy, unfortunately it seems to pop up sometime in even the happiest relationships. Jealousy can happen to anyone, male or female, young or old. Sometimes it is justified; sometimes it's about things imagined. Either way, it is an ugly, unwanted feeling. In talking to women, I have found a few common sources of jealousy that we as the female species seem to feel. All of these do not apply to all women, but this is a general consensus. Relationship Advice: Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair "But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous words for your marriage. Preteen Relationships Even preteens have relationships that are important to them. In this critical time, though, the most important preteen relationship is always with parents. It is up to the parents to provide for them the foundations of a good relationship. For those that dare not do provide this relationship in a positive manner, well, they are simply asking for their preteen to rebel against them. There are other preteen relationships, though, that are also important to preteens. Great Relationship Advice: Dont Be a Darren Stevens Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I can't believe I'm even feeling this way. My wife just got an offer that would give her a better and higher paying job than I have. I can't believe I am jealous, and even worse, I'm tempted to encourage her not to take it. How do I stop myself from doing something really stupid? Setting Up Boundaries in Relationships Setting up personal boundaries is important in all types of relationships, but in intimate ones, it is all the more important. As with the closer the relationship will become it is easier for those lines to blur. You may ask yourself what is a boundary and why setting, or recognizing them do for me. Boundaries are personal limits we have with other people emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Often we already have these built-in, but sadly we often ignore them because we were taught to be nice to everyone, or that our desire to be in a relationship may outweigh how we behave. Mairi Mairi came into my life about two years ago. She came from Arizona with a cheap trailer, four kids from three different fathers, and a seriously negative attitude. We met on a frosty October afternoon and with my Victorian upbringing, I developed a seriously negative attitude toward her. However, as time went on and I matured, we evolved from wary strangers into polite acquaintances then into comfortable friends The Revenge Affair: Characteristics of the Adulterer "I Want to Get Back at Him/Her" is one of 6 kinds of affairs I outline in my E-book. Secrets To Get To The Heart Of Your Loved One The other day, I was home with my sweet love when my sister called. She was in a bad mood because she was babysitting my cat (I was out of town) and my cat had made a mess in her sofa. I was sorry that happened. I went in the bedroom to think it over in silence. What Keeps Couples Together There are several things you can do, especially when your relationship is loving and happy, to ensure that it remains this way for the long term. The first principle of a lasting relationship is your clear intention to preserve your mutual affection, respect and friendship. Dr. John Gottman, a towering figure in couples counseling, achieved this insight after more than thirty years in the research and study of couples. In his bestselling book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he discusses why most marriage therapy fails, concluding that resolving conflicts and improving communication is important but not, of itself, what keeps couples together. Rather, he finds that "friendship fuels the flames of romance." However intense or frequent their battles, the couples that last have never lost their fondness and respect for one anther. After describing the kinds of behavior that undermine mutual regard, Gottman describes seven things that happy marriages have in common, then he shows you how to introduce those seven principles into your own relationship. If ever you feel that the ties that bind are weakening, this would be a good place to start looking for things you can do to rekindle affection. This material is also available in audio or video format. Other factors that contribute to relationship success include learning to express your feelings, both positive and negative; learning to disagree in ways that are not destructive; and learning to accept things you can't change. Beyond self-help Beyond information in books, tapes and videos, there are couple workshops. Some might find it more effective to go directly to a good couples counselor. If one of you is allergic to the idea of counseling or therapy, look for a couples coach, which might be more acceptable. Enter "couples coach" into Google and see what comes up, or ask a recommended therapist to serve as a coach. Many religious organizations have trained conciliators who work with couples and many clergy are trained in couples counseling. In any case, you should only work with someone who is trained, experienced and certified to do the job. The important thing is that you not sit on your hands if one of you begins to feel that your mutual regard is fading. If you are committed to your relationship, you need to make it a priority, meaning there will be times when you have to put extra effort into it--get information, go to a workshop, get help. Above all, try to discuss things you can do to increase mutual regard and affection and decide together what steps to take. Relationship Resources The companion CD that's included in my book Legal Essentials for California Couples has a fine article, How to Get the Most From Couples Therapy. Appendix B in the book lists relationship resources that professionals have told us they recommend to their clients. One we like is The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, who points out that people have different ways of expressing and receiving love, so that one person might be expressing it in a way that the other does not get, as where a man works hard to earn material things for his loved one and buys her gifts, but she craves touching and nice words. It's a matter of getting your signals straight. Other resources include the highly regarded Couple Communication workshops, which have trained over 600,000 people and are conducted across the U.S. by thousands of certified instructors. To find an instructor near you, visit www.couplecommunication.com. Then there's the respected Marriage Encounter with nation-wide programs for troubled couples that are based on Judeo-Christian concepts, though you need not be religious to participate. You can find more information about them at www.marriage-encounter.org. There's a mountain of good books, tapes, videos and workshops out there that you can use besides the examples I've given. Time spent on this subject will be richly rewarded. That's the whole point--to make the effort. The most innovative parts of the Couples Contract, featured in Legal Essentials for California Couples, are the agreements you make to take these kinds of actions when your relationship needs some help. The Couples Contract can be used by couples in any state with some minor revisions. To learn more about how the Couples Contract can protect and preserve your relationship, visit www.nolocouples.com. Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman Relationship Advice: Grieving Before Going On Q. I got married for the first time when I was 20, and it lasted less than two years when my wife left me for another guy. The day my divorce was final, I left for college and have not spoken about it since. Now, five years later, I've just graduated college, started a great job and will be marrying the woman of my dreams within the year. I should be happy and excited about my future, but I find myself getting more and more depressed, and now I'm even scared to get married. What in the world is wrong with me? [Conflict Resolution] The Philosophy of Fear and Confrontation Is there now, or has there been, a person or two in your life that you have difficulty in maintaining a civil relationship with at times? It may be your spouse or lover; it may be a friend or a superior at work. We usually say "I have a love-hate relationship with this person." Communication in Dating Does your dating relationship have good communication? Communication during dating is what will eventually make or break the dating relationship. If you can not talk or communicate with your loved one, how will they ever know what you expect from your dating relationship? Relationship Tips: 16 Practical Dramatic Ways to Know if He/She is REALLY Changing Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis (such as infidelity), that demands significant change if the relationship is to survive. Clues to Help You Bust the Undercover Married Man, Before You Fall in Love If your Knight in shining armor still hasn't come galloping, don't worry. The right one will soon come through. Don't be in a rush and run the risk of ending up in the hands of the wrong man ? an undercover single man, the fake bachelor ? a married man. Honesty Accepted - Deception Denied We've all done it at one time or another, or will do it sometime in the future. Regardless of when you do it, just remember you will get caught eventually and when you do, you cannot bury your head in the sand. Too bad there are not strict policies, punishable by law in association with the internet wherein something could be written and implemented along the lines of "Truth in Online Dating". Who am I kidding, people have lied from the beginning of time and will continue to do so until Hell freezes over and even when caught some will continue to do so at our expense. Bastards! Remember the old video rental mantra "Be Kind, Rewind"? Some of you may be too young to remember that but the sentiment still applies. For this subject, lets use, oh I don't know, how about "You Lie, You Die", hmmmmm, maybe not, too blatant. Oh wait, I know, "Honesty Accepted, Deception Denied". Anyway, the point here is to be honest in all you say and do. Have you ever stretched the truth or told an out and out blatant lie? Tell me how many more lies did you have to tell to cover your ass from the original lie? Life is too short to waste all your time and energy covering your ass. Do it right and do it honestly the first time. What is Romance and How Can You be More Romantic? Whether you've been in a relationship for a long time, or whether you're single, learning how to romance and love can be one of the greatest skills to learn (and believe me being romantic takes a lot of skill, for both men and women!). But what exactly is romance? I mean if you don't know what romance is, then how can you ever be romantic? Relationship Spring Cleaning by Susan Sheppard History doesn't belong in a relationship that is present Why Do Men and Women Misunderstand Each Other So Much Joke from a Woman to another Woman "Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke!" |
home | site map |
© 2005 |