|
|
| Relationship Information |
|
|
|
|
Approval - You Dont Need It
Yesterday, after receiving a massage to help ease my computer-aided muscle tension, I was described as an over-achiever. That got me thinking about value-laden language and what it really means. These kinds of labels can sneak into our thinking very quickly. So what is an over-achiever anyway, or an under-achiever for that matter? (or overweight, underweight, overemotional.. etc). They are a subjective description described as a fact (because if you are over or under something it must be measurable, right?). What it means is not that you have achieved too much, too little, or spent too much time at the computer (although, I agree that I should sit with a better posture), but that the person who said the comment has a different interpretation of what it means to be an achiever. Someone who always looks to others for approval must feel like a yoyo. Who could ever keep up with the expectations of everyone else? What one person considers too much, another person may consider too little, so how can you keep everyone happy? I don't believe you can. But I used to believe I could - and not only did it not work, but I made myself unhappy in the process. These days, I think the best way to interpret other people's comments is that when they say 'You are too...' or 'You are a...' they actually mean 'I prefer to...'. For example, if someone says 'You are over-emotional' they most likely mean 'I prefer to share fewer emotions'. Or if someone says 'You are over-excited' they probably mean 'I prefer not to get so excited'. Now you might be thinking that someone you know really is 'too selfish' or 'too uncaring' and that they should change. But really, you just prefer to be more giving or more caring, and your behaviour towards that person is your own responsibility. So next time someone comments on your behaviour, treat it like a game. Rather than feeling like you have to change yourself or that you have not been approved, rephrase their sentences in the 'I prefer...' model. And if you find yourself accidentally imposing your values on others, make some effort to speak more clearly about what you prefer for yourself. You will enjoy much better communication as a result! (C) Copyright Petra Rankin 2005 Petra Rankin used powerful techniques to beat her own long-term depression. She is now dedicated to teaching others how to be happier and lead more successful lives. Her first book Fast Track Your Success and Happiness is due to be launched in September 2005 and is currently available for download as a free e-book instead of paying $19.95. Limited time only!
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Office Nomance Are Office Romance's really that bad? The answer is ?..it depends on the individual. 5 Ways to Tell Your Man You Love Him Telling your man that you love him is part of assuring him that he is special to you. But it is not enough to verbalize how you feel about your man. To keep your love fire burning, you must find creative and thoughtful ways to express your feelings. My Fairy Tale Is Gone Dear Candace, 20 Tips to Keep Love Alive Have you ever been at a loss to think of something special that you can do for that special someone in your life? Maybe you want to do a little extra for an important event, like his or her birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, or anniversary. Preteen Relationships Even preteens have relationships that are important to them. In this critical time, though, the most important preteen relationship is always with parents. It is up to the parents to provide for them the foundations of a good relationship. For those that dare not do provide this relationship in a positive manner, well, they are simply asking for their preteen to rebel against them. There are other preteen relationships, though, that are also important to preteens. Engaged, In Love, and In Limbo Well, here I am very much in love and starting to plan my August wedding, when Murphy's Law sets in. Is This The One? Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell if this is the one? Is this one my soulmate? How will I know when I find the right one? There is no magic answer, but I can tell you what seems to work. I asked a psychic one time if a certain person was my soulmate. His answer, "If you have to ask, then he's not the one." He went on to explain that with soulmates no matter how good or bad a day you have together, you wake up in the morning knowing without a doubt that this is the one and you go to bed at night knowing without a doubt that this is the one. Nothing that happens in between those two points can change your mind. How to Survive an Affair - Take Care! Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners tend to know which strings to pull to antagonise the situation especially if there are children involved. This can often make you feel bitter and resentful and although you are the one that has been betrayed, you are also the one that will be continually hurt, this may seem unfair but as the old saying goes that's the way the cookie crumbles. Relationship Advice: 4 Steps to a Genuine Apology A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment, forgiveness and repentance. For Soul Mates: Will you grow or stagnate? Divine Source through Barbara Rose Some soul mate couples refuse to grow. They refuse to resolve each of their core issues, which are the true sources of their personal pain. As a result, those soul mates are lost to each other for this life. This is a sad choice for both of them. Quick Tips for Writing Love Letters * Be in a good mood when writing a love letter. Never try to write a love letter when you're in a bad mood, not only will it be more difficult to write but your bad vibes will make their way into the letter. Friendship Advice for a Shrinking Planet Ahh, friends. The people we pick up along the proverbial bus ride of life. Some hitch a ride and get off after a couple stops, and others hang on for the long haul. As our world grows ever smaller, the friendship pool extends ever wider. But does it grow shallower, too? How to Choose Your Life Partner? You have reached the age where you can start thinking seriously on your wedding day. You would like a steady partner, whom which you could spend the rest of your life with. Ridding Yourself Of Being A Manipulator To Better Your Relationships One of the oldest character flaws in humans is their ability to manipulate each other. Its insidious nature tilts our everyday playing field toward the manipulator. The manipulating person has a basic personality flaw that has a direct link to control, but primarily the ever-abundant insecurity issue. What Till Death Do Us Part REALLY Means - Divine Source through Barbara Rose Let me address this issue of eternity, this promise many couples demand of each other and recite in standard wedding vows. Taken literally, this promise is broken more than it is kept. But "Till death do us part" can be interpreted differently. Relationship Advice - How to Get Out and Stay Out of Relationships Ruts "The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions." Do Men Just Want Mommy? Accomplished women are losers in romance claims NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd in her column titled "Men Just Want Mommy." She says powerful men want to marry women who are caretakers like secretaries, assistants, nannies, flight attendants, etc. Are powerful women really at a disadvantage in the marriage market?A University of Michigan study found that men prefer to marry women in subordinate jobs than womem who are supervisors. Another study by British researchers suggests that successful men would rather have traditional wives, more like their mothers. They also reported that the higher a woman's IQ, the less chance she has to marry.Dowd wonders does this mean "the more women achieve, the less desirable they are?" Despite the somewhat alarming conclusions we might draw from these trends, the answer is a resounding NO!Accomplished women can be winners in romance, but they have to set their sights on a different kind of man. The worst partner a powerful, ambitious woman can choose is a man who is just as powerful and driven as she is. High-powered men are smart to marry women who will support them, not compete with them.Successful women today need to discover that men who are willing to play a more supporting role make perfect partners for them. It's tough for most men to accept a woman who is more successful than they are, but not all men feel that way. More men than you think would be happy to be the head cheerleader for a powerful woman.The thing that keeps powerful women miserable in relationships is our own outdated beliefs. We've all been conditioned to want a husband who's rich and successful. However, as Gloria Steinem said, "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." If we continue to think that we should have an equally high-powered man for a partner, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Put together two strong personalities who both like being in charge and you have a recipe for relationship ruin.It took 30 years and 3 divorces before I discovered the truth about this for myself. Now I am happily married at last to a man who supports me and is proud of my accomplishments. He is happy to let me be the leader at home as well as at work. He does all the housework, too! So what if he earns less. The only difficult part for me was accepting the fact that he likes me to be in control. And that he is no less of a man because of it. With that acceptance I have settled comfortably into the best and longest relationship of my life.As more women out-earn their men the woman led marriage will become more common. That's why my husband and I are coming out of the closet about our relationship. Powerful women need a different kind of partner and a different kind of relationship to be happy. Rid yourself of those old stereotyped beliefs and learn how to pick the right kind of man. Accomplished women can be winners in work AND in love. Improve Your Relationship by Taking Care of Yourself First It's important for you to take care of yourself before you try to fix your relationship. The old saying 'You can't give away what you don't have" applies here. Until you are peaceful and happy, you won't have a peaceful, happy relationship. The Five Second Flirt Technique The first thing you want to do is to get into the line of sight of the man you are attracted to. When you catch his eye, you must give him the most inviting and receptive look you can manage, for three seconds? Count them. Eye contact, eye contact, and eye contact. No quick counts, no matter how nervous you get. Diamond Alternatives ? There Are Some Great Options There is little doubt that diamonds are one of the most elegant of the precious stones, and that diamond jewelry is simply a joy to wear. Unfortunately, though many of us are unable to afford the diamond jewelry we would so dearly love, as the great beauty and value of the stone are translated into the price that you have to pay to own one. Enter diamond alternatives.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2005 |