The Cyber Lothario

Are you writing to someone who is romancing you off your feet Does this guy seem to know just what to say or write that gets you a step or two further down the garden path

Perhaps more dangerous than the notorious Internet rapists and murderers are the Cyber Lotharios. Maybe you know one. Smooth as silk. Seduction is his native language.

More dangerous, because these guys well, maybe there are girls too, but I am more familiar with the guys are GOOD.

These guys are the Internet equivalent of a Bill Clinton, if Bill Clinton hadnt gotten caught. They are the cyber version of handsome -- they write beautifully, know just what you want to hear and tell you. They POUR it on, and for a thirsty woman, it is nectar from the Gods.

These fellows post on dating sites indefinitely, waiting for the unsuspecting newbie to the dating site. You might contact him, he might contact you, but like a used car salesman, he knows a pigeon when he sees one.

Then slowly, softly, but determinably, he has his way with you.

How do you tell if you have one of these guys on the wire What if he is a really nice guy, really meaning every word he says

Well, one thing would be if you find yourself agreeing to things that you never would if you were in your right mind. Particularly if that has to do with sex. Or maybe money.

These guys make manipulation feel like a warm bath. You just slide right in and it feels delicious.

But there is a certain vagueness, particularly about past relationships, and perhaps about future plans. These guys may reassure, but they also will leave themselves a way out.

How can you tell

Well, one thing you can do is ask for a relationship history. Then pay attention to how he responds, as well as what he actually says.

Does he groan and moan about doing the job Is he grudging in what he tells you Or is he open and serious, understanding what you are asking and why

Does he seem to have trouble remembering his own history, what her name was, what order the different relationships came in Is he reluctant to divulge, or does he sound like he is fudging

Does he seem to be moving you fast towards a romantic getaway Maybe he makes plans for the two of you to meet, and reserves only one room. Is he heavily sexually suggestive and titillating Does he ask questions like "What kind of lingerie are you wearing"

Even though a new and legitimate relationship can be highly sexually charged, a guy who is seriously interested in you and a possible future with you will be protective and understanding of you and your feelings.

If you feel antsy, pay attention. If your hormones may be doing your thinking, put on the brakes. Better to let this dangerous Clark Gable type swim away than to be left flat and busted.

Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved