|
|
| Parenting Information |
|
|
|
|
Parents - Who’s Looking Out For YouMargaret Paul, Ph.D. I couldn’t stop thinking about Marcy after my phone session with her. I was really worried about her. “Marcy, “ I had said in our session, “Your voice sounds drained of energy and your life force feels really low. What’s going on” “I just have no time for myself at all. It seems like between work and driving my kids to all their activities, there’s nothing left. I’m feeling really discouraged - like I’m never going to get to do anything with my life for me. It all seems to be for everyone else. Sometimes I feel like I’m dying - and sometimes I even want to die.” This was not good. Something had to change - and soon. As we explored the problem, it became apparent that Marcy was doing way more for her kids than necessary. She was doing things for them, especially for 12 year old Andrea, that they needed to be doing for themselves. “Every morning I go into Andrea’s room at least 15 times before she finally gets herself up. Then I make their breakfasts and lunches. The other day I felt really upset because Andrea was just sitting around while I was getting breakfast and making their lunch. When I asked her to help, she just rolled her eyes and got upset. I’m exhausted before I even get started. Then, on the weekends, they want me to take them here and take them there. There’s just not enough time in a day! When I try to get them to understand my needs, they just don’t seem to care.” “Marcy, Andrea has your number. She knows if she gets upset you will back off. This is not good for you or her - you are allowing her to be a spoiled brat out of your fear of her not caring about you. They are not going to care about you until you care about yourself. They are treating you the way you treat yourself. If you want compassion and understanding from them, then you need to first give yourself compassion and understanding.” Marcy and I developed a plan: she would get Andrea an alarm clock and let her know that she had to get herself up - and that if she didn’t she was responsible for the consequences if she missed school. Marcy would also ask her children to take responsibility for fixing their own breakfast and lunch. She would also expect them to help clean up in the evenings, and would make it clear that if they didn’t help her, she would not be so available to drive them around all the time. In addition, she would set aside some time just for her each weekend to work on her own creative projects. This was a hard one for her. Marcy believed that taking care of herself was selfish - that being loving meant putting herself aside for her family. She really wanted to be a good mom - but she was not being a good mom to herself. We talked about the definition of “selfish.” I told her that I believed that Andrea was being selfish when she expected Marcy to give herself up for Andrea, and that Marcy was fostering this selfishness in her children by not taking care of herself. “Marcy, are you being a good mom if you are so unhappy all the time Don’t your kids need to see you being a role-model for personal responsibility - which includes taking good care of yourself How are they going to learn to make themselves happy if they never see you making yourself happy You are teaching them that they need to take care of others well-being and that others need to take care of their well-being, which is the definition of a codependent relationship. Don’t you want them to know how to take care of themselves - how to take responsibility for their own well-being Taking care of yourself is not selfish - it’s self-responsible! You’re not being a good parent if you just take care of your children but don’t take care of yourself.” Marcy got it and immediately went about making changes. She was like a new woman when I spoke with her the next week, with much more power in her voice. She was beginning to see that the problem was not so much not being cared about by her family, but not caring about herself. She could begin to see that how her family treated her was a mirror for how she was treating herself. I breathed a sigh of relief - Marcy was getting her life back!
| | | | RELATED ARTICLES Why A Father is Not A Dad It can be said that any man who procreates is a father, whether present in that child’s life or not. While this is technically true, it really takes a man to be a dad! 10 Positive Discipline techniques for children Do you feel your child is out of control Punish him or her often and get no positive resultsIt might be your discipline strategy that is not working. Try using positive discipline techniques which are highly recommended by the child development professionals and see the changes in your child’s attitude.See him or her actually making efforts to cooperate with you. For the Love of Mommy For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding experiences that you will have in your life.It can also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being a “mommy”.Maintaining an identity outside of your children is vitally important, not just for you, but for your family as well. So here are ten strategies that not only keep you connected with you, but also have the added bonus of being an important life skill to teach your children. His Toy, Her Toy I remember when my daughter was born. Visions of her and I dressed in pinks and purples sitting in her lacy pink room playing dolls danced threw my head. A year later my son was born ;My husbands vision of sports and trucks revved around like mad men threw his manly mind. Ten Great Careers For Single Parents The challenges of raising a child by yourself, whether you’re a mother or father, can be very difficult. Add the burden of having to be out of the home for 40+ hours per week to work and raising a child at the same time can be nearly impossible. This article describes ten careers you can train for that will give you the money to support your child and the time to be there for them. Healing Anger and Violence in Our Society I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for the past 35 years and authored eight published books. All this experience has resulted in the development of a profound six-step healing process, called Inner Bonding, which anyone can learn and use throughout the day FREE course available - see resource box. Create Tax Savings And Transfer Wealth To Your Child With A Roth IRA Parents must give serious thought to protecting their family through estate tax planning. While life insurance and trusts should be a part of every plan, Roth IRAs can be a simple tool for passing money to your child on a tax-free basis. Baby Expense: What To Do When Baby As you probably know, baby expense should be high on your list of things to plan for, before the baby comes. There is no cheap way to have and raise a baby: it takes sweat, work, lots of cash, patience, and more to have a happy, healthy baby. Some studies suggest that you will spend anywhere between $150,000 and $200,000 for your kids by the time they are 18 years old, not including private schools, special lessons, or college. I Just Love It! You know the scenario. Youre sitting at the family Christmas gathering and your ten-year-old opens one of Aunt Marthas itchy homemade sweaters. Or Uncle Bobby, whos been swearing to lose twenty pounds for years, opens an exercise cycle. Of course, if Uncle Bobby follows the politeness rule, hell say, "Thank you, its just what I wanted." Then hell conveniently "forget" about it in the basement or storage closet. your ten-year-old may not be as skilled at pretending as Uncle Bobby, but kids know enough to know that any answer other than "Thank you, Aunt Martha, I love it" will raise the roof. Painful Lessons from the Maternity Ward Whoever dubbed New York, New York "the city that never sleeps" should visit The Maternity Ward.My recent visit included a drop-in on several screenings of "A Star Is Born" at the late-show theatre, right near Mamas Breast all night milk bar and Papas Gas Station "We burp you on your way.". Parents - What Kind of Role Model Are You Are you being the person you want your children to be How To Purchase A Mural Online For Your Child So you are thinking of having a mural installed or painted in your childs room What a perfect addition to your little ones room. A mural is a beautiful gift to give to any child. I have a mural in each of my 3 childrens bedrooms and I cant tell you how much joy it has brought to them over the years. If you could only see the look on little kids eyes when they see my childrens rooms. There are several options open for you online. Lets take a look: The Challenges of Single Parenting Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and written books on parenting and relationships, I’ve discovered that one of the greatest challenges for us as parents is to be loving role-models for our children, showing our children through our behavior how to take personal responsibility for their own feelings and needs.Our children need to learn from our role-modeling how to nurture themselves within and how to create a sense of safety in the world.In families where both a mother and father are present, both parents can participate in nurturing the child emotionally and taking care of the child in the world, and both parents can role-model what it looks like to do this for themselves. Birth of a Parent So you’re pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change in ways you might find unthinkable and we’re not even talking about the surrender of your once slim waistline to proportions most comparable to that of a Dr. Suess character. Pregnancy is the beginning of a new life for a baby, but also a new life for you as a parent. If this is your first baby, you may be filled with an endless list of questions and concerns. If you’re a veteran of the labor and delivery room, you’ve got a better idea what to expect, yet every pregnancy, like every mother and child, is different. Baby Shower Gift Ideas A few guests can get together and get a big laundry basket. Place in it a long clothes line with outfits, diapers, bibs, etc. pinned to it. It can also be used as a room decoration. It has a bit of everything and something to carry it in! In The Crook Of My Arms His head is tilted back, mouth slightly open. His breath is slow and steady and his eyes almost all-closed but slightly open. His neck nestles over the crook of my arm and I stare at his face as he breathed in and breathed out. A feeling of overwhelming love washed over me. I was totally at peace as I watched my son sleep in my arms. Clean Slates and Fresh Starts Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts and new clothes. Pens, pencils and notebooks, the smell of a new box of crayons and a brand new book; it all speaks of such promise. Get Rid Of Baby Walkers And Bath Seats, Urges Safe Kids Canada NC—Do you use a baby walker to keep your baby entertained Do you use a baby bath seat because it keeps your hands free for babys bath How To Potty Train In Two Days Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you will find dozens of books on the subject. Search the Net and there are thousands of websites with information on how to do it stress free. There are even people who are capitalizing on a parents frustration with potty training by offering to do it for you, for a hefty sum! I honestly cant imagine anything more unseemly than paying someone to teach my child to "go". We All Wish That Our Children have Good Virtues, but... Are We Setting A Good Example Ourselves We all wish that our children should not smoke or drink, should not speak lies, should not steal, should not have a violent nature, etc... but are we setting a good example ourselves |
| home | site map |
| © 2005 |