|
|
| Relationship Information |
|
|
|
|
Save Your Relationships (5 Easy Steps To A Winning Relationship)
We all enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. Each person has a shopping list of hopes and expectations, secret demands he/she makes on their partners. When those hopes are fulfilled, they consider that they've won ? the relationship is successful. However, this approach to relationships usually brings disappointment in the long run. Not only do our hopes, needs and expectations change, but constantly making demands upon our partner can only lead to relationship burnout. A truly winning relationship is built upon a different basis. The Basis of Winning Relationships When we think that our happiness is dependent upon what we are receiving, we are bound to be let down. When we know that happiness always grows from what we are giving, we are on the right track. Happiness that depends upon having our needs met, is fleeting. It comes and goes. It has to. When things go well, we are happy. When we get what we want, when the sun is shining, when our boyfriend finally pops the question, these are moments of happiness. The only thing wrong with this kind of happiness is that it revolves around us and our needs. We become addicted to feeling good or having our needs met. We become addicted to people and circumstances that bring this about. Not only does this addiction become a problem, but as what makes us happy keeps changing, we stay on a merry go round. Winning relationships are based upon joy. When things are difficult, or our hopes are not fulfilled, it is still possible to feel joyful. Joy, is not a knee-jerk reaction to circumstances. Joy arises from within. It is an attitude of mind that can be developed, a positive choice we make about ourselves and the world we live in. In a sense joy is a practice. It is an orientation towards life and towards the people in our relationships. Joy is built upon actions. There are steps we can take which allow joy to be present each day. These steps are the foundations of a winning relationship. No matter what happens, when you live in this manner, you feel good about yourself and your partner. l) Give Up Blaming The Other Person. It is very easy to find many things wrong with the person you are in a relationship with. When we are upset, we attribute it to something they've said or done. This puts our well being in another's hands. It is one of the most significant ways we destroy our peace of mind. It is also one of the most significant ways we undermine the other person. . Each person has the right to be who they are at this moment. Realize that no one made you their judge and jury Also realize that if you are upset or unhappy at their behavior, that is your response, it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with them. By blaming another for your unhappiness, you are disempowering yourself. Give it up. Just observe their behavior. Get to know them. Say to yourself, they have a right to be who they are, and I have a right also. In fact, it is your own expectations which are upsetting you. When you do not put your expectations on the other, but are willing to get to know who they are, blame dissolves easily. 2) Learn The Art Of True Giving There is a huge difference between really giving to another, and giving so you can get something back in return. When we give in order to get something back, (and secretly demand it), this is nothing more than manipulation, and quickly kills our joy. A winning relationship is based upon true giving. This means giving with no strings attached. Giving something to the person that they need or would like, (not something that pleases you). Some fear to give, feeling that they will be drained. The opposite is true. The more we give, the more we have. There are many things that can be given - many people need time, attention, acknowledgment, the chance to be right about something. Make a list of all the things you can give another. Practice giving freely. Do it in little steps at first. The more you do it, the more your joy will grow. 3) Learn How To Really Listen There is no better way of building a wining relationship than by learning to really listen to your partner. Real listening means stopping the little voice inside that always comments, criticizes or is thinking about what it is going to say next. When you really listen to and hear another, you are giving them an enormous gift. When a person is really listened to and understood, they feel loved. When you develop this ability, you will be amazed at how the people around you will start opening up, and you'll also be amazed at how joyful your own life will become. 4)Stop Wanting To Change The Other Person One of the biggest thieves of our joy is our constant desire to fix or change the other person. One person feels they cannot love the other unless that person changes. The other feels hurt, inadequate and as though something is wrong with them. Everybody becomes hurt and frustrated. So often we hear the phrase, if you loved me enough you would change for me. But winning relationships is built upon our ability to love the person as they are, (including the parts of them that may not please you). A person has not been put on earth to make you happy. They have been put here to grow, develop and discover who they are. The odd thing about change is that the more we let go of wanting to change the other, the sooner they are able to change because they don't have to stay as they are as a matter of pride. 5)Develop Patience Patience is an old fashioned word in today's worlds of instant technology. However, the more patient you are with yourselves and others, the less you will feel frustration and the more easily you will develop joy. When you learn to be fully in the moment, and to allow each relationship to grow and develop in its own rhythm, this is a sure fire way to allow both of you to win. It's necessary to realize that right at this moment, we are lovable and acceptable, just as we are. The more love and acceptance we can offer, the more everyone experiences joy and the easier it is for us to build our relationships upon a foundation that cannot falter. Cc/author/2005 Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship by working with the unique program in Dr. Shoshanna's new e-book Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships). http://www.truthaboutlove.com Dr. Shoshanna is a psychologist, relationship expert on i.village.com, speaker, and has run over 500 workshops on all aspects of relationships and fulfilling your potential. She is the author of many books, including Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave (Putnam), What He Can't Tell You And Needs To Say, (Putnam) and many others. You can contact her at mailto: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her personal website is: http://www.brendashoshanna.com/
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Blondes Talking About Blondes! What is it about blondes that both sexes find so appealing? We are drawn to them like we are drawn to gold or a great barbequed steak and a beer. Although there is no denying brunettes and red heads can be every bit as gorgeous, there is something about blonde colored hair that demands instant attention. Lobster - The Food Of Romantics Summer has arrived! Woo-Hoo! Do you know what always comes along with summer? Well, besides the bugs! Weddings! Yeap, that's right, Weddings. But I've got an other one for you. Years after all those wedding what else comes in summer? Nooo, not divorce, Anniversaries. All those people who were married are now going to celebrate their Wedding Anniversary. Congrats! How realistic are we? So often when we think of our ideal mate we give them qualities and attributes that one person may or may not be able to possess. These qualities can be how they look, how they treat us, to something like what kind of job that they have. Are these ideas realistic? Sometimes yes, and sometimes we are way off the mark. A good exercise may be to write down these ideals and see how realistic we are. A Man Drought In Australasia - Bugger! Age is Against Me Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high quality women in the 30 plus age group over suitable available men is becoming a major problem in both New Zealand and Australia. Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes, Part I Have you ever wondered why you feel an instant attraction to certain people? These intense reactions are pre-determined by a powerful astrological principle commonly known as horoscopes. Is Your Negative Thinking Scaring Off Your Soul Mates? Francine Bonnecelli* swore off relationships the day her husband of nine years left her for a twenty-something barmaid in San Francisco. Even though this was her third marriage, she felt three was the charm and, after all, he showed all the qualities in a soul mate and a marriage partner that no one had ever shown her. After this traumatic experience, she closed off her heart to future relationships, giving up on the theory that you can find THE ONE who meets all your goals and expectations. 5 Surefire Ways to Arouse Your Woman As there are different types of women, there are different ways to arouse them as well. If you have been in a bit of a slump here are some quick ways to rev up your love life: Your Relationships Begin With You As a single male in my mid-twenties, I find myself consciously and unconsciously thinking about and searching for that special someone. My goal has always been to be friends with my future wife for at least a year, date for a year, engaged for a year, which includes being married by the time I'm thirty. 27 Characteristics of Loving Men Every woman dreams of meeting that special man that knows how to fulfill her heart's romantic desires. Speaking of that special someone; is your special someone a lover or just an average Joe? No pun intended if your guy's name is Joe. This article will outline the 27 characteristics of a loving man. If your man is one of them, then you must do all that you can to make sure he does not slip through your fingers. However, if he falls in the average Joe category, then help him by telling him what he ought to be doing to make you happy. If he isn't even willing to try to make some changes in the way he is treating you, then you may want to make some changes in order to get the love you deserve. By the way, make sure you share this article with all your friends. They deserve to know the 27 characteristics of loving men. What Planet Is Your Relationship On? If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, what planet is their relationship on? A Diamond Anniversary Ring ? The Perfect Way To Seal Your Love Some time ago you both made a promise. A promise to each other. Now it's time to recognise that you both meant that promise, and that now you both still mean it. There's no better way to do that than with a gift of a diamond anniversary ring. Well maybe there is. Two diamond anniversary rings, one for him and one for her. Taking the True Relationship Test If you have ever read teen magazines you will be familiar with the myriad tests they offer their readers. You can find out everything from which type of jelly bean you are to which celebrity is your soul mate. But what about the relationship test that purports to tell you whether you and your spouse or companion are compatible? After twenty multiple choice questions the test tells you to either keep them around or dump them. Abusive Relationships Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why it takes so long for us to know that it is abusive, addictive love we are experiencing. The damage created by an abusive relationship only worsens over time, weakening the abused and giving the abuser more power. As the situation continues, without resolution or a plan to change the dynamic, eventually abusers will typically threaten and carry through on their physical threats. How and where does it start? Through all the confusion and madness how do we find ourselves in this sort of mess and what can we do about it? Guys Guide To Flowers We are here to help! With these helpful hints on flowers, you will feel more confident about choosing beautiful blooms for that special someone in your life! Does Age Matter? In the Asian online dating world it is not uncommon for a older gentlemen to marry a younger lady. If you ask why this is the case, you'll get a varied amount of comments. The negative reasons usually have to do with an Asian lady wanting an older gentlemen for financial reasons. I have had some tell me that this not a negative reason, but what stems from this argument are a variety of unpleasant comments. For example, "gold diggers" "mail order bride," etc. Why Its Good To Be Alone Have you noticed that there's an ebb and flow to everything in life? The sun comes up, the sun goes down; the tide comes in, the tide goes out. If you're not currently in a relationship, it simply means the sun has temporarily set; the tide is currently out. As sure as the sun will rise again and the tide will come back in, you will eventually be in another relationship. What you do between now and then may very well determine what type it will be and if it will be with "the one". A Gift From the Heart of a Friend She stares at me and then closes her eyes. A tinge of early dawn plays on her cheek as it peeks through the glass curtains by my desk. I grow warmer, waiting in silence for her first uncertain word and the gentle touch of her hand. She fidgets and rocks in her chair. She cannot hold her thoughts inside much longer. Coping With A New Culture: Problems And Solutions Coping with a new culture has never been the easiest job of one's life, for, not only that you miss your friends and family in the new place, you also miss your very own culture. And culture, as the social anthropologists say, is exactly what we do in our life. Going by this definition, you tend to miss everything, everything that you have done since the time you have taken birth, everything that you are used to ? foods, customs, attitudes, languages ? every little thing. How Valentine?s Day Gifts Can Expose a Cheating Husband If you have the nagging feeling that your husband may be having an affair, this is the ideal time to confirm what you suspect. The Valentine's Day gifts he gives or receives can provide you with tangible proof of his infidelity. She Loves Me, He Loves Me Not Who Is Some Who Loves You?
|
| home | site map |
| © 2005 |