|
|
| Relationship Information |
|
|
|
|
Reading Each Others Mind
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard couples express the fact that they felt their partner should be able to read their mind. Have you ever felt this way? Such thinking can lead to disappointment, sadness, and yes, at times, even anger. In order to overcome this, we must be much more specific about what our desires and needs are. Part of the problem, I believe, is that we are often afraid that if we really ask for what we desire, we will be rejected. Therefore, it is easier not to ask in the first place and to assume the partner is a "jerk" for not knowing and meeting our needs. Please talk to one another. Risk saying what you feel and need. Dare to be specific. A case in point. One woman decided to ask her husband for a romantic evening. This was risky for her. What did she get? A box of chocolates and some flowers. What she really wanted was a romantic evening at dinner and then a romantic interlude in the bedroom. Did she tell her partner this? No, she sulked and he was quite confused. Sometimes we discuss the "rules" but then we change them and forget to tell our partner. We set them up to fail. They can never win. Is this is happening in your relationship? You can stop it now. Talk to one another. Dare to be specific. Agree to listen and agree to ask for more information if you are not sure of what your partner means. Just as the word romantic has several different connotations, so it is with other words. Please help each other out, and in so doing, you help your relationship to flourish. Karlynn lives in Tucson, Arizona and owns her own Employee Assistance Program. Originally from California, Karlynn moved to Tucson to pursue a Masters Degree in Rehabilitation Counseling. She is also specialized in addictions. She believes he helping people to help themselves. She enjoys her life with her husband, David, her three daughters, and two adorable grandsons.
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
For Better Or Worse For Better or Worse Honesty Accepted - Deception Denied We've all done it at one time or another, or will do it sometime in the future. Regardless of when you do it, just remember you will get caught eventually and when you do, you cannot bury your head in the sand. Too bad there are not strict policies, punishable by law in association with the internet wherein something could be written and implemented along the lines of "Truth in Online Dating". Who am I kidding, people have lied from the beginning of time and will continue to do so until Hell freezes over and even when caught some will continue to do so at our expense. Bastards! Remember the old video rental mantra "Be Kind, Rewind"? Some of you may be too young to remember that but the sentiment still applies. For this subject, lets use, oh I don't know, how about "You Lie, You Die", hmmmmm, maybe not, too blatant. Oh wait, I know, "Honesty Accepted, Deception Denied". Anyway, the point here is to be honest in all you say and do. Have you ever stretched the truth or told an out and out blatant lie? Tell me how many more lies did you have to tell to cover your ass from the original lie? Life is too short to waste all your time and energy covering your ass. Do it right and do it honestly the first time. Apologizing When We Hurt Our Friends or Partners In every relationship there will be occasional misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Sometimes we are the one who hurt another person we care about; sometimes we are the one who has been hurt. Why Do Men and Women Misunderstand Each Other So Much Joke from a Woman to another Woman "Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke!" Beware of Becoming a Professional Online Dater Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find their "perfect match" through online dating services. And every year hundreds of thousands more become discouraged from their experiences. One of the contributing factors to those who have problems with online dating is the emergence of the "professional online dater", a term coined by Online Dating Magazine to describe a person who acts serious about finding someone, but without the intention of taking any date or relationship "too seriously" because the next match "may be better." Coping With A New Culture: Problems And Solutions Coping with a new culture has never been the easiest job of one's life, for, not only that you miss your friends and family in the new place, you also miss your very own culture. And culture, as the social anthropologists say, is exactly what we do in our life. Going by this definition, you tend to miss everything, everything that you have done since the time you have taken birth, everything that you are used to ? foods, customs, attitudes, languages ? every little thing. The Egoistic Friend What are friends for and how can a friendship be tested? By behaving altruistically, would be the most common answer and by sacrificing one's interests in favour of one's friends. Friendship implies the converse of egoism, both psychologically and ethically. But then we say that the dog is "man's best friend". After all, it is characterized by unconditional love, by unselfish behaviour, by sacrifice, when necessary. Isn't this the epitome of friendship? Apparently not. On the one hand, the dog's friendship seems to be unaffected by long term calculations of personal benefit. But that is not to say that it is not affected by calculations of a short-term nature. The owner, after all, looks after the dog and is the source of its subsistence and security. People ? and dogs ? have been known to have sacrificed their lives for less. The dog is selfish ? it clings and protects what it regards to be its territory and its property (including ? and especially so - the owner). Thus, the first condition, seemingly not satisfied by canine attachment is that it be reasonably unselfish. A Look at Interracial Relationships There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe the very contradictions of our society that can still make interracial relationships a lot more difficult than others. Most relationships deal with mostly internal pressures with perhaps a little added tension from family or friends. Interracial relationships deal with all of the usual difficulties plus negative input from society at large, which means that people you don't even know and have never met will have an opinion about your relationship, often negative, simply because two people from different groups have fallen in love. The Fine Art of Flirting Did you know that it is not necessarily your looks or your bank account that will get you the Date of Your Dreams? Even those with average features and ordinary bank account funds can have the pleasure of being with someone they thought was unattainable. You think I'm kidding, right? I'm not! Want to know how? By learning the Fine Art of Flirting! A Womans World Women are simply wonderful don't you think? This question is not just aimed at us men but to women also! Throughout my life women have played a massive part in my upbringing from my Mother, my Aunts and to my very lovely and sadly missed Grandmother. These women have nurtured me and shown me what it takes to really be a man. How did they do that? Well! Somehow they just did and God they do it so well. Gag Gifts Gag gifts can be very funny. They can also cause pain for the recipient, so you must choose your gag gift carefully. Be sure your recipient has a sense of humor about what you are going to "gag" him about. The gag, while funny, must also be tasteful rather than ridiculing some fault of the recipient. Prison Wife: Stand By Your Man There are approximately 2 million men in the prison system in the United States. That means there are a lot of loved ones left behind to wait...wives, girlfriends, lovers, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, and yes, even children. Only the strong can survive this ordeal. The Relativity of Your Life We live in the world of the relative. What and whom we surround ourselves with, how we spend our waking hours, and the type of person we become is in direct relation to all that surrounds us. Has The Magic Gone From Your Relationship? Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now. At first it was magic and Dan was so romantic and attentive. Now he is constantly criticizing her or even worse ignoring her completely. When he's not out with his friends he lays around the house watching T.V. expecting her to wait on him. Just when she thinks that she can't stand it any more, he becomes the old loving, romantic Dan once more; however, this never lasts longer than a few days and then he resumes his old behaviors. Kathleen knows that it's time to for a life change but simply can not bring herself to take action. Things Every Couple Should Know In my family law practice, one of the most common things I hear over and over from clients who have just had the law explained to them is, "I wish I had known that a long time ago!" Or, "If only I had known that before (whatever) happened." People entering any form of long-term relationship, whether married, domestic partners, or just living together, are typically unaware that their relationship to each other--and to third parties, like creditors or government agencies--are defined and governed by rules of law, often in ways they did not expect or would not have agreed to had they known. They are not aware of what can happen when events force these rules into play. Another surprise is that new laws can come along at any time and change your legal relationship in significant ways without you knowing or agreeing to it. And that's nothing compared to what can happen when you move to another state. Rights and duties that you might or might not have been aware of will suddenly become entirely different. Law books are filled with the cases of unhappy people who found out after the fact that things were not as they had thought or wished. Here are two more things that couples should know. First, couples can make written agreements that change the rules of their relationship to suit their own needs and preferences. And, second, a relationship agreement can be a positive and constructive thing that reinforces your commitment to one another and creates a foundation for working out problems that might arise in the future, possibly saving your relationship. It is much better if you do not wait in ignorance for some defining event to spring up and force the rules to your attention. I encourage every couple to know where they stand and learn how and to what extent they can tailor their legal relationship to more closely suit their personal wishes. Above all, I recommend that every couple enter into a basic Couples Contract and give themselves the invaluable advantages that can be had just for spending a little effort to do it. Your legal relationships have already been defined If you are in a long-term relationship and do not have an enforceable written agreement, rules of law define and govern the following important features of your relationship: Relationship Problems: Whats Your Contribution? As the story goes, there was once a farmer and his family. They lived in and farmed a huge and gorgeous valley, right next to an equally huge and gorgeous mountain range. Pen Pal Romance We have all heard the wonderfully romantic stories of pen pals that wrote to each other for years without meeting because they lived hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. Some friend of a friend set them up as pen pals or she decided to write to some unknown soldier away at war. They exchanged a few pictures and spent countless hours drafting letters back and forth, baring their hearts and souls to each other. Without ever dating, they fell in love. When one could eventually travel across the distance to finally meet the other, they both knew immediately that this was indeed the one they'd spend the rest of their life with. The physical attraction was every bit as strong as the emotional attraction they had felt for each other. It's a classic story that's existed as long as there's been a postal system for delivering the letters between would be lovers. Relationship Advice: 9 More Must-Know Tips for Couples The Law of Two Questions ARC of Understanding In relationship we all make mistakes and sometimes we are insensitive to the needs of others, especially those very close to us All this leads to disappointments and resentments. The answer to handling disappointments is understanding. Relationship Problems Have Warning Signs Families are made up of individuals; men, women, and children. All members are interconnected. Imagine a family represented by a hanging mobile. Each member is a hanging object. When you tug on one object, it shakes the rest. The same is true in families. Each person's moods, attitudes and behaviours influences those around him or her.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2005 |