|
|
| Domain Name Information |
|
|
|
|
The 7 Stages of a Romantic RelationshipMichelle L. Casto, M.Ed. There are seven stages in a romantic relationship: avoidance, meeting, dating, breaking up, establishing exclusivity, commitment, and keeping the love you find. Each of these stages vary in length and intensity. At each stage, there are thoughts and feelings telling you what to do and when to do it. You need to learn to listen to your intuition in each stage, so that you can make smart decisions. It is important to note that the breaking up stage can happen at any time within the other stages; i.e., at any time you or the other person decides to exit the relationship for whatever reason. In all seven stages, you always have these choices: 1. Continue moving forward 2. Stagnate 3. Slow down or go backwards 4. Exit By taking notice of the signals from your head and heart, you will be better able to interpret what your intuition is telling you. At each stage, consider, “What am I thinking and feeling” Are you receiving conflicting messages Is your head saying one thing and your heart another This is often the case, particularly in romantic relationships. What happens is there is an agreement error, a contrast between your thoughts and your feelings. This is perfectly normal. Just remember that you have your very own internal system of checks and balances. This system was designed to keep you safe. For the moment, it is temporarily out of order, probably due to stimulation overload. So, before making any decision at this time, go somewhere quiet’ the answers will come with reflection and focus. Once the answer comes, you should act quickly so you do not have time to doubt your decision. You should never feel trapped or unable to choose what is right for you. If at any time you do feel this way, then that is a good sign that something is not right with the relationship. You then need to examine what it is that is holding you back. If it turns out to be the other person, you are probably better off leaving the relationship. A smart way to make important stage decisions is to mutually agree on what to do next. After all, “if it is meant to be, it will be,” so you may as well start out making important decisions together. Couples who have good relationships know that it takes time to build their love. They make a conscious effort to progress slowly and purposefully through each stage, enjoying the process, while allowing their love to develop naturally. Communicating with each other is essential to this process. You should be open and honest about your concerns and fears, so that you can trust that everything has been said and understood by both parties. Even if you find that things aren’t what you would have hoped for, at least you know what is going on and then you can work on making it better. Levels of Love Most of us have experienced love blindness. We either think we love someone or do not realize until it is too late that we actually did love someone. You do not have to be blinded by love. You have the power to recognize it, but you must use smart decision-making skills to avoid making fatal relationship mistakes. In this section, work on waking up your awareness so that you will act in “knowing.” The first step is to become familiar with the stages of relationships and the corresponding levels of love that you or your partner will most likely experience. Relationship Avoidance Stage “I do not desire love” Goal: to prepare yourself for love Characterized by non-interest Meeting Stage “I am open to finding love” Goal: to prospect for the possibility of love in others Characterized by anticipation Dating Stage “I hope to find love” Goal: to pre-qualify for a potential partner Characterized by uncertainty These three stages represent being single and the importance of using the “Screen-out” process. Breaking Up Stage “I no longer have love with this person” Goal: to let go of the person/love Characterized by disappointment/relief Breaking up is a transitional stage. Exclusivity Stage “I think this is love” Goal: to further qualify the person to see if she/he might be a good match Characterized by excitement Commitment Stage “I know this is love” Goal: to close the deal Characterized by confidence Keeping the Love You Find Stage “I want to keep this love” Goal: to preserve the love you have found Characterized by continuous commitment These three stages represent being involved and the importance of using the “Screen-in” process. The key is to consciously place yourself in each stage. For example, if you decide you want to be in the “dating stage” then be fully present and make a true effort to make yourself available for dating. If, however, you find that your heart isn’t in it, and that you would rather avoid relationships, then you need to stop and consciously put yourself back in that stage. This will help you to stay clear on what you want and enable you to honestly communicate to others "where you are at.” Each level and stage of the relationship is a transition and involves psychological and emotional energy. As you progress through each level, you will no doubt experience excitement and anxiety, hope and fear, arousal and dis-arousal, certainty and uncertainty, along with a myriad of other feelings. You will need to work hard at balancing the messages that you are receiving from both your head and your heart to most accurately interpret the incoming, overwhelming information—it is very easy! to be misled. ***This article is adapted from the book, Get Smart! About Modern Romantic Relationships: Your Personal Guide to Finding Right and Real Love by Michelle L. Casto
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Set Yourself Stress-Free Stress in our personal and professional lives is ever changing and constantly on the rise. Everyday we’re expected to do more and more with less and less - less resources, less energy and less time. In order to master the ability to manage stress, it’s important to first remove one of the biggest obstacles that stands between chaos and calm - SELF. Often we are one of the biggest contributors to the calamity and chaos we experience in our lives. Stress management is the recognition that life is all about the choices we make. Starting today, choose to take control and follow these simple tips to help you lead a stress-less lifestyle. Change Your Inner Conversations to Control Your Anger Every Holiday season Vicki found herself angry and silently seething at her older sister, Susie, and mother as they were merrily chatting about Susie’s successful life. Stress Management: A Self Help Guide There have been many words written about stress management, though many people do not realize that it can be managed. In fact, stress is a scary thing but it is also a self-creating thing. The more stress you feel, the less able you are to deal with the things that are stressing you, causing the stress to increase. This is a vicious cycle and the key to stress management is to not get into it in the first place. How do you do that Well, there are many ways. Setting Yourself Free in Three Quick Steps Lilly Tomlin said, "The problem with the rat race is even if you win, youre still a rat." A lot of us are running a rat race - feeling caged into a life of running and giving to everyone else FIRST, sometimes at your own expense. We are pulled in so many different directions - work, family, finances. It is time we put our foot down and stop feeling controlled - by people and circumstance. How to Recognize Stress Before it Turns Into Anger After a stressful day as a computer programmer, Jim pulled into his driveway. The children’s toys were scattered on the walkway to the house. Check Yourself for Outstanding Customer Service Recently, a business associate, Mike, mentioned that he was doing a show at a local university and stopped by the faculty dining hall to get lunch. He said that, while waiting on line, the service was poor. The line moved slowly, the counterperson was disinterested in what she was doing…and it showed. It was not a pleasant customer experience. Busy Fish: Tips for Changing Your Day from Chaos to Calm Syndicated columnist Dale Dauten recently wrote, One of lifes great joys that weve lost is that of the empty day, a day given over to quiet, to reading and contemplation. Our planners and PDAs give the illusion of importance and of being in control. A beautiful statement but what Dale doesnt acknowledge is that weve become such slaves to busyness and mental stimulation that spending a day given over to quite would drive most of us mad! It would be nothing short of a drug detox. Getting Back to Basics: A Customer Service Tale One hot summer day my daughter and I ventured to our local craft store with one mission in mind – purchase velvet covered coloring panels called fuzzy boards. Little did we know this simple trip would turn into such an adventure. The High Costs of Anger Part 2 ‘Dr. Fiore,’ the voice on the phone pleaded, ‘I need anger management classes right away. I blew up at my girlfriend last night and she said it’s over until I get help.’ Eating Healthy in a Time-Starved World Americans are literally running out of time. Achieving a work-life balance, which is still a luxury for tens of millions of working parents, has been overtaken by an even greater demand: a work-life-nutrition balance. Unfortunately, this increasing demand for nutrition has not been accompanied by a useful strategy that enables people to reclaim time from their harried lives. 7 Solutions for Practical Stress Management Stress is amazingly persistent, even seductive. We get used to feeling tight and tense. Though positive thinking has its place, unless it is backed up by practical wisdom it tends to get overwhelmed and fade away. Five Ways to Reduce Environmental Stress Life is stressful enough without allowing the physical environment - air quality, lighting, noise, and other controllable factors - to intensify day-to-day stress. Especially in the Fall and Winter is where you experience less daylight and more mood swings. How Important Is It To Stand Apart From Others In An Interview And How Difficult Is It Q: How important is it to stand apart from others in an interview and how difficult is it Busy Fish: Tips for Changing Your Day from Chaos to Calm Syndicated columnist Dale Dauten recently wrote, “One of life’s great joys that we’ve lost is that of the empty day, a day given over to quiet, to reading and contemplation. Our planners and PDAs give the illusion of importance and of being in control.” A beautiful statement but what Dale doesn’t acknowledge is that we’ve become such slaves to busyness and mental stimulation that spending “a day given over to quite” would drive most of us mad! It would be nothing short of a drug detox. Ten Techniques for Motivating Others through Chaos Here are ten techniques for motivating your employees to succeed during chaos: Anger and Your Health: How Your Outlook Influences Health and Your Ability to Control Anger The situation: Jane and Anthony have differing ways of viewing the world. Jane is a pessimist the glass is half-empty, while Anthony is an optimist the glass is half-full. These outlooks influence how they experience similar situations. Show Your Customers You Care I recently went to a major computer/electronics store to buy an expensive software package. I felt good that I was able to find the software at a substantial discount. But by the time I was through paying for my purchase I never wanted to come back to the store again. How to Set Boundaries and Say No We are constantly bombarded daily with requests for our time. While helping others can be very rewarding, at the same time we can feel distraught about constantly obligating ourselves to others while not fulfilling our own needs. We can feel distressed about constant commitments to do things we simply don’t have the time, energy or desire to do. How Optimism can Help – or Hurt – Your Marriage Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years – no small feat in today’s world. At first, their friends could not understand how their marriage succeeded, due to numerous perceived shortcomings. Is A Career a Calling or Choice How much of our career path is destiny and how much is free will In my opinion, it is 50/50. We are given a life map at the beginning of our lives, and there are things we are meant to learn, people we are meant to meet, work we are meant to perform. But many of us are not tuned into ourselves and the signs that are presented to us. We often miss important information, and miss out on those lessons, people, and jobs.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2005 |